In completely un-baby-related news..

We're going on a cruise!!!

And the best part - it's FREE! :) Because of his great sales at work, Joe won an all-expenses paid cruise to Key West and the Grand Cayman Islands! We are so excited and I am so proud of Joe. We don't have to pay for anything - it includes the airfare to Miami, the cruise, all meals, cocktails, tips, etc. YAY!!!

So, the hard part is that the package that he won includes all expenses paid for Joe and a guest, but if we wanted to take Zoey with, we would have to pay $700 for a "child buy-in" and then also her airfare. We went back and forth about what to do, and at first we were really planning on taking her with us, but after a lot of thought, and talking things over with our families, we have decided that we are going to go just the two of us and leave her home. I am really nervous about it, because I still have not been away from her for even one night, but after thinking about it a lot, I really think that maybe things happened like this for a reason. Going on a fancy vacation like this is not something that Joe and I would have done for ourselves right now, but I know that it will be good for us to have some time for just the two of us to get away and forget about all the stress and all the crap that we have gone through lately.

So, that's our exciting news. Yay! Thank you universe for FINALLY sending something good my way after that past few months of absolute hell I have been through. I hope it is the start of many more good things to come!!

Genetic Testing

Earlier this month Joe and I went to Children's Hospital for genetic counseling and testing. They drew some blood from us so that they could do karyotyping where they basically examined our DNA to see if there are any irregularities with any of our chromosomes. It was pretty scary to think of them finding something wrong because there really is no treatment for chromosome abnormalites other than IVF where they preselect the "good" eggs and/or sperm to increase the chances of a healthy pregnancy. And that is super expensive and doesn't always work anyways. Luckily, this week we found out that all of our tests came back normal, so that is not something that we need to worry about.

So, I guess we can now officially say that the 3 miscarriages have just been unbelievably bad luck. I suppose it should make me feel better that there is not anything "wrong", and it does a little bit, but it's really bittersweet. Although I didn't realy want them to find anything wrong, I want there to be a reason for everything that I have been through. I am still very bitter about the babies that I lost and I'm not sure how to get past that. It's hard for me to accept that sometimes crappy stuff happens and there really is no reason. It just makes me so angry and sad at the same time :( Honestly, I know that I will never truly get past it. I think that once I am pregnant again, and out of the 1st trimester, I will start to feel a little better, but there is still nothing that can ever totally erase the pain of losing three babies. It is something that will stay with me forever.