Genetic Testing

Earlier this month Joe and I went to Children's Hospital for genetic counseling and testing. They drew some blood from us so that they could do karyotyping where they basically examined our DNA to see if there are any irregularities with any of our chromosomes. It was pretty scary to think of them finding something wrong because there really is no treatment for chromosome abnormalites other than IVF where they preselect the "good" eggs and/or sperm to increase the chances of a healthy pregnancy. And that is super expensive and doesn't always work anyways. Luckily, this week we found out that all of our tests came back normal, so that is not something that we need to worry about.

So, I guess we can now officially say that the 3 miscarriages have just been unbelievably bad luck. I suppose it should make me feel better that there is not anything "wrong", and it does a little bit, but it's really bittersweet. Although I didn't realy want them to find anything wrong, I want there to be a reason for everything that I have been through. I am still very bitter about the babies that I lost and I'm not sure how to get past that. It's hard for me to accept that sometimes crappy stuff happens and there really is no reason. It just makes me so angry and sad at the same time :( Honestly, I know that I will never truly get past it. I think that once I am pregnant again, and out of the 1st trimester, I will start to feel a little better, but there is still nothing that can ever totally erase the pain of losing three babies. It is something that will stay with me forever.