12 week appointment

Today I had my 12 week dr appointment. It was pretty uneventful - the typical blood pressure, weight, pee in a cup - yay! But, she did listen for the heartbeat with the doppler and that was the highlight of the appointment. Right away we heard a nice strong heartbeat which was such a huge relief. She said "Wow, you have a very cooperative baby -- I didn't even have to give you my spiel about not worrying if we don't hear it right away since the baby is still so tiny. That's definitely a nice strong heartbeat and baby's letting you know that everything is okay". So, that was a great moment - I even got a little teary-eyed. We have had such a long, tough road getting here and I feel so thankful and blessed that this pregnancy is healthy and everything is going well.

11 weeks pregnant

I know I have not been good at keeping up with these weekly pregnancy posts, but things were really crazy there for a while - within a week's time I finished up the school year, my sister got married, and we moved into our new house. So it was really nuts there for a while, and we were without internet for about 3 weeks so I had no way to update. So, now that things have settled down a bit, I'm going to try to keep up with the weekly posts.

So, I am now 11 weeks pregnant. The baby is now the size of a lime (wow! lots of growth since I last posted at 7 weeks with a blueberry!) and looks like this

11 Weeks Pregnant

I have been feeling pretty good. I think maybe I'm getting past the naseau and constant exhaustion, but it seems to come and go. But more importantly, we have now made it a few weeks further than any of the pregnancies that I lost so that is a huge milestone. I've also seen the baby's heartbeat twice and so I'm starting to believe that this pregnancy might really result in a baby. It's still hard for me to totally let go of my fears, but I'm starting to get to the point where I can say that I am feeling more confident in this pregnancy than I am afraid. And for the first time this week, Joe put his hand on my belly and said "hi baby" which was really sweet. It sounds like such a small, simple thing, but in the beginning of this pregnancy we were both just so scared that we were kind of dettached from the whole thing because we were so afraid of something going wrong again.



So, I would say that we are in a good place right now. And I'm definitely starting to get an obvious belly. Here is a pic from this week - you really do show faster the second time around!

My baby girl is 2!

It's so hard to believe that Zoey is 2! She is definitely not a baby anymore and has developed such a little personality within these past few months. I think this is such a fun age and love seeing how much she is learning and changing every day. She is talking so much now - not just words but actual sentences of 4-5 words. She has also started counting and can count up to 8 (but she always forgets 4!). She also finally understands the concept of colors now (rather than everything being "yellow") and recognizes some of the colors - yellow, pink, and purple are current favorites, she gets confused with some of the other ones. I definitely can see that she has learned so much from daycare this past year and even though it was really hard for me to send her there, I can definitely see the benefits.

So, on Sunday we had a very nice birthday party in our new house! It was a beautiful day and the kids were able to play outside, Joe was able to BBQ, and we were all able to relax and have fun. Here are some pics. (I haven't posted pics of Zoey in a while, so be forewarned, there will be LOTS of them!) :)

Playing outside with cousin Madalynn



Here's her birthday cake (Thank you Betty Crocker!) It may not look fancy, but it tasted delicious! :)

She wasn't too sure about everyone singing Happy Birthday to her...But when it came time to eat, she wasn't shy and dug right in!

She absolutely loved opening her presents, and even got excited about the cards! (She thought they were books). After opening each present, she went around and gave hugs and kisses to say thank you and showed off her new stuff to everyone. It took a while, but was so sweet and adorable!

And the best party of any birthday party - opening and playing with all the new toys!

Relaxing with Aunt Sara and cousin Cole at the end of the party. She was exhausted, but so happy. It really was a perfect day!

In just a few weeks...

We will be in our new house! I am SO excited and can not wait. We are actually going to be closing on Friday but won't be able to move right away because the sellers need to rent back from us for a few weeks until their new place is ready. I'm a little bummed that we have to wait, but I know that it will be well worth it - finally we will have a basement and a second story and not feel like we live in a constant state of clutter.

Here are some pics! :)

Front of house:

Backyard:

Living room:

Kitchen:Dining area that overlooks family room Family room:

Downstairs bedrooms:

Upstairs bedrooms

There are definitely some things that we want to change - paint, carpeting, etc...but overall we absolutely LOVE the house and we're so excited to move in!

7 weeks

Now I am seven weeks pregnant. The baby is the size of a blueberry and looks like this:

7 Weeks Pregnant

Since I was so late on my six week post there is not much new to report. I continue to feel fat and icky and I'm constantly paranoid that people are staring at my tummy and wondering if I am pregnant or just gaining weight. Here is this week's pic:

And in Zoey related news...

She has started using the potty! I haven't posted much about Zoey lately because for a long time I had just been completely negelecting my blog, but I just had to AW this accomplishment because I'm so excited.

Zoey has been showing signs that she is ready for potty training for a while now, but I haven't really been pushing the issue. She will sit on the potty and sometimes even ask to use it, but wouldn't ever go. Well, on Memorial Day weekend, we went to Joe's mom's cottage and right before bed, she told me she had to go potty. I thought she was just stalling going to bed, so imagine my surprise when she actually went! So, I've been trying to put her on the potty a few times a day. Usually she won't go, but at least she is getting in the routine of trying and understands what she is supposed to do. And earlier this week we had another success - after her bath she peed and pooped on the toilet. I never thought I would be so excited about poop - lol! :)

So, once I'm officially off for the summer, I plan on really starting to work on potty training with her. Just another thing that reminds me that my baby is growing up - I can't believe it!

6 week stats a little late

I am a little late on my 6-week post, but baby is now the size of a sweet pea (aww!) and looks like this:

I have been feeling okay - still pretty queasy and exhausted all the time, but I am taking that as a good sign that the baby is healthy and growing. I am glad that school is just about over for the year. Today was the last day of classes, and then I have two weeks of exams and then I am done! I can't wait to be off for the summer. It will be so nice to be able to rest and relax and not have to worry about all the stress that comeas along with teaching.

So, here is my belly pic for this week. I took it today at 6 weeks 4 days, so it's a few days late. I am definitely feeling very bloated and I think that my belly is looking a little ridiculous considering how tiny the baby is right now. It is getting challengin figuring out what to wear every day because I feel like everything makes me look fat and I'm not quite ready to go public with this pregnancy yet. I have to confess that I broke out the maternity jeans this week. I know it's ridiculously early and I don't really need to wear them yet, but they are just so comfy that I couldn't resist!

We have a heartbeat!

HUGE sigh of relief! I feel like a big weight has been lifted and I can finally breathe.

Today was a loooong day. I have been feeling so conflicted about things all day long. I really wanted to stay optimistic and hopeful about things, but at the same time I was worried that I would get my hopes up and then be devestated to receive bad news.

So we finally got to the appointment, and pretty much as soon as there was an image on the screen, she said "Well, we have a heartbeat". It was an incredible moment. I said "Oh my God, really?" and immediately burst into tears and even Joe got teary-eyed. I think that we both were honestly expecting the worst, so this was a very happy surprise.

So, she looked at everything and took some measurements and everything looks right on target with where we should be right now. So, I think this little one really might be a keeper. With all of my other losses we never made it to the point of seeing a heartbeat, so this is a huge milestone for us. I am so incredibly happy right now. Here is a pic of our little sweet pea:

6 weeks 1 day...

One day before my second ultrasound...and I start spotting :( Seriously?! What the f*ck? Is is really too much to ask that just once in my life I have a boring, uneventful pregnancy? I am so pissed. I am nervous and anxious and scared, but more than anything I just feel frustrated and angry and bitter that I am going through this again. If I end up losing this pregnancy, this will be my third loss in less than a year, and my fourth loss since we started TTC. I just don't know how much more of this I can take. I am trying to stay optimistic and believe that we still have a chance that everything will be okay, but I have been down this road too many times before. So I guess right now I am hoping for the best, but preparing myself for the worst.

Today sucked. I spent the whole day dreading coming home and having to tell Joe what's going on and see the look on his face. Even though I know it's not my fault, I feel almost guilty when I have to tell him that something is wrong because I know how much it will upset him. Well, I didn't have to say much before he pretty much figured out what was going on. It's pretty bad that we are so familiar with this situation that I just have to say "I had a bad day", and he just knows. So, when I told him, his reaction was pretty much the same as mine - pissed. He yelled 'WTF' and a few other choice phrases and was just really angry. And then he came and gave me a hug, and just held me for a few minutes and I know that he was close to tears. And that just breaks my heart. I feel so helpless and I hate that there is absolutely nothing I can do to make things better or change anything.

So, I have my appointment scheduled for an ultrasound tomorrow at 7:30 pm and then hopefully we will be able to figure out what's going on. I am so nervous and anxious and scared. It's going to be a long day of waiting, but I hope and pray that by this time tomorrow I will have good news. Fingers crossed...

First ultrasound

Today was my first u/s. And it was actually pretty uneventful. We saw one yolk sac, but nothing else. During the u/s, the tech commented that she could see the sac, but not a fetal pole and while she was explaining it, it kinda seemed like that was a bad thing like she expected that she would see one. But then she said she would have to talk to the dr and see what they wanted to do (more bloodwork vs another u/s) and when she came back she said that he wanted me to come back for another u/s in a week. When I asked her what he said about not seeing a fetal pole she said that he didn't really say much about it. Her exact words were --"He wasn't overwhelmed by it, but he wasn't underwhelmed by it, he just said 'have her come back in a week and we'll see more then'.

Well, WTF does that mean?! I don't even know how to interpret that comment, but of course I was really freaked out, and since I didn't get to talk to my doctor directly, I wasn't able to ask him any questions. (He was with a patient and the u/s just interrupted him for a few minutes to ask how to proceed with my situation). So I'm not sure what to think. I'm guessing since they only saw one sac, that it's definitely not twins, but I don't know if it's too early to say for sure. And of course the empty sac is freaking me out wondering if it means this pregnancy isn't going to make it, or if it's just to early to see anything. Right now I'm just feeling really frustrated that I really don't know anything for sure right now, and I almost wish they would have waited a bit to bring me in for the u/s so at least I would have some definite answers.

But, from what I understand, it is common to not see the fetal pole at 5 weeks since it is so early. I've heard a few success stories from girls on my message boards who had and early u/s that showed an empty sac and then a week later they saw a heartbeat. So, that is very encouraging but it is still really hard not to fear the "worst case scenario" when we have been through losing 3 pregnancies and know all too well how fragile these early days and weeks are.

So, I have another u/s scheduled for next week. I will be a little over 6 weeks, so I am hoping and praying that things will grow and progress between now and then and we will be able to see the heartbeat. I guess the only thing to do now is wait...ugh! :(