I've been taking a hiatus...

I know I haven't updated in forever, but I've been taking a break - not just from updating my blog, but really from pretty much all the computer stuff that sucks me in - my message boards, TTC websites, etc. I feel like for way to long now, I have been devoting all of my energy and obsessing over having another baby, and so I finally decided that it just isn't healthy for me and that I need other things to focus on. So, I've been trying really hard to focus on making postive changes in my life in the things that I can control. Taking some time off from the bump/nest has been a big part of that because constantly being on the boards makes it really hard to not think about TTC and babies all the time.

So for this past month or so, I've been really trying to work on other areas of my life like wanting to sell our house and buy a new one, and also to eat better and start working out again. And I'm happy to say that things have been going really well. We sold our house and bought a new one (and just in time to qualify for the tax credit - yay!) and I've been doing really well with my diet/workout plan and have lost almost 10 lbs. For the first time in a long time, I was actually feeling really great about things.

And then came May...

May is gonna be a tough month for me. I have two due dates in May - days that have been forever burned in my head that that I know I will never forget, but have no signifcance to anyone else in my life. I'm pretty sure that none of my family or friends would even remember the dates that my babies were due. And it's not like I really even think that they should remember, but it's just really hard for me knowing that those dates are right around the corner and thinking about what could have been.

So, this past week has been hard for me. After thinking that I was finally starting to come out of the sadness that has been consuming me for so long, I am feeling like it is starting to creep back in. I'm really trying to focus on the happy parts of my life and the things that I have to look forward to - moving to our new house, my sister's wedding, having the summer off, etc. But I am having a really hard time with the fact that May is the month that I was supposed to have my newborn baby, and now I'm not even pregnant yet. I hope and pray that just maybe May will be the month that we finally conceive our healthy baby # 2. At least then, I could find something positive to take away from this awful month. Keeping my fingers crossed...